2022

This year’s dated ornament. I’m rather pleased with this one, as I designed it myself. The cat image, though, is based on one I saw in a photo of a shop sign.

This year’s Christmas card.

A young lady friend of mine was having a milestone birthday, so i came up with this for her. She appreciated the thought, but demanded that we never speak of age ever again.

As a gag, I made up these special “ornaments” for a couple of former co-workers. We’d always joked that we’d be working forever because The Company would simply insert our heads into jars and hook us up to our computers. So I took a photo of myself, tweaked the shading, and used a 4-inch plastic globe from the Dollar Store. My original plan was to make it much fancier, but after a couple days of playing around I realized that simpler was better in this case. Still, I may revisit the idea and add legs to the basic design (CAT-5 cable makes interesting tentacles, by the way).

I also came up an “instruction” booklet to match the tackiness of the ornament.

USER MANUAL

B.R.I.A.N.

Biosimilar Reactive Immersive Analog Neurocopy

We at Fumblethumbs Basement Research are pleased to offer you yet another exciting product created in our unique laboratory and manufacturing facilities.

The B.R.I.A.N. represents a quantum leap in brain-in-a-bottle science.

It is a wholly self-contained and shielded, fully functional brain unit. No hookup to external power or life-support mechanisms is required!

The biological component is cloned from a donor. The proprietary growth process both miniaturizes and stabilizes the component.

Using the B.R.I.A.N. is simplicity itself, and we are sure it will become a useful and important part of your life.

To operate the device, simply place it in a position next to you. As it watches you, the B.R.I.A.N. carefully observes what you are doing. Talking to the unit also helps the learning process.

Feel free to unburden yourself to it, and tell it all your problems. You’ll find the B.R.I.A.N. to be a patient and understanding listener. It will never judge you, nor will it ever disagree with you. It wants to be your friend!

The B.R.I.A.N. accomplishes its feats of wonder by means of a permanent psychic link with the donor. This link can be maintained and increased by keeping the donor supplied with a liberal quantity of whiskey and beer.

Although the B.R.I.A.N. is quite safe, there are a few important things to keep in mind :

  1. NEVER remove the unit from its protective globe. The B.R.I.A.N. might escape, and that would be very bad.
  2. NEVER remove the black, protective helmet. The helmet protects the user from the otherwise deadly radiations that power the unit.
  3. If you observe the B.R.I.A.N. smiling, RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. If you still can.

We at Fumblethumbs Basement Research hope that the B.R.I.A.N. offers you many years of transcendental experience. Our researchers are hard at work designing enhanced versions of the B.R.I.A.N., which promise to add manipulators and movement. The future is bright and full of promise!

Fumblethumbs Basement Research

“We create the future you never wanted”

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